Hardship & Tears
by BB-lover14
Summary: Castle finds his world shattered by a life changing event.Can Beckett be there for him? Angsty but fluffy at the same time.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I wrote this story within a couple of hours, it is a way of releasing my feelings. I hope you like it.**

I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know if to cry, scream or if to fade into complete silence. A bomb had just been dropped on my family unit. People around me had been stunned into silence. Things like this don't happen to us. The tears streamed down my face, men don't cry. We are meant to be the strong one in the family but right now I was broken. I had been walking the streets of New York for hours. I didn't have a destination or even a plan. Twenty minutes ago it begun to rain, I was soaked to the skin. The rain hid my tears, my wet hair was matted to my head and my clothes have become a second skin. There were several questions running through my head, they were haunting my mind. Why him? It was the main one that seemed to play like a broken record. Why now? I sat down on the nearest bench clutched my head in my hands and just sobbed. Why was life so unfair?

Twenty minutes later, I found myself in front of a familiar looking building. The Brown brick work and white windows stood out from the grey dismal sky that framed it. I wondered how I had ended up here, it was as though my brain had switched to autopilot and sought out a place of comfort. For a minute I was unsure if I should go in. The storm has started to pick up, flashes of blue lighting now light up the night sky. The crack and bang of the thunder follows every flash. I don't want to buzz in so I am glad when a lady from the building opens the door and invites me in. I thank her before heading towards the elevator. As the doors close and the number on the dial increases, I wonder what happens from this moment on. The elevator comes to a stop on the 4th floor and the doors reopen. For a moment I am tempted to push the ground floor button and go back down as it is midnight. It is like a magnetic force is pulling me as I step out and head towards apartment 49. I rap my knuckles lightly on the wooden door in front of me. Five minutes pass and I decide that this was a bad idea. As I turn to head away I hear the unlocking of a dead bolt and the door creaks open. All I see is the flash of black as a Glock 45 comes out, the person holding it is not far behind. As the door finally fully opens I hear a gasp and the gun lowers and the safety is clicked back on.

"Castle I could of shot you!"

Right now I couldn't care if she did maybe it would numb the pain. I turn around and I am faced with a very concerned looking Kate Beckett. She is standing in her doorway in a black vest top and a pair of tiny navy blue gym shorts, her legs seem to go on forever. Her hair is tussled like she has been in bed, normally I would make a comment about her appearance but right now I just can't. I look up to her face and find her eyes roaming up and down my stature.

"Castle your soaked what have you been doing, are you okay?"

I can't answer that question I'm not okay, my life is crumbling around me and I am currently dripping water on my partner's door mat. Her hand reaches out and takes a hold of my forearm, her touch is light and delicate. She pulls me towards her and leads me into the apartment. I am still mute, I am unsure of how to start the conversation or if I even can bear to voice the issue out loud. She stands in front of me in her living room, her hand is still clasped gently around my arm. Her eyes search my face for a clue of why I am here. She seems to come up blank, she goes to speak her mouth opens but soon shuts again. I don't blame her what is she suppose to say, when she doesn't even know what is happening. She releases my arm and heads towards her bedroom. I am left just standing there in the middle of the room, I am sure my clothes are soaking the carpet beneath me.

She returns a few minutes later with a pile of clothes and a towel. She hands them out to me and I gladly accept them. Her hand comes up and brushes my cheek.

"I think you should get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. I'm sorry the only clothes that will fit you are some of my dad's old clothes that he was going to give to charity. They should fit okay and at least they are dry."

I nod at her, I am happy for the dry clothes I couldn't care less whose they are, although I am glad that they are not Josh's. Even though they have now broken up. Her hand is still resting on my cheek, the warmth that she is giving off feels wonderful on my cold skin. She looks into my eyes before speaking again.

"Now go get changed in the bathroom. I'll make you a famous Beckett hot chocolate while you do that and then when you come back out we will talk about what ever you want to okay Castle?"

"Okay."

She takes her hand off my cheek and points towards the bathroom door. I go in and get changed as quickly as I can. The coldness of my wet clothes is now making me start to shiver. I dry myself off with the towel and slip the plain black t-shirt over my head. It is a little on the tight side but at least it is dry. The grey sweat pants on the other hand fit quite well. I run the towel over my head trying to dry my hair, I look in the mirror and see that my hair is sticking out at weird angles but I don't care. I look at my face. My eyes are red and bloodshot, it is obvious even to the least observant that I have been crying for some time. My eyes are still brimmed with tears that I have not shed yet, my nose is slightly runny from the cold and from the crying. I swipe my arm across my nose and take a deep breath. How was I going to explain to Beckett the reason I was here, the reason I was crying. I didn't fully understand what has happened myself. I grip the white porcelain sink with my hands and will myself to calm down, will myself to stop crying. I pull out my phone and send a text to Alexis to let her know that I am safe and with Beckett so she doesn't worry. I kind of left the loft in a hurried and distressed state. I put my phone away and take one more deep breath before releasing my grip on the sink. I head back out to the living room and find Beckett sitting on her couch nursing one cup of hot chocolate in hands, meanwhile the other one is on the table in front of her. She turns her head to look at me and gives me a small smile.

I take a seat at the other end of the couch and pick up the cup off the table. The heat automatically radiates through my body and I take a sip. Even though she is looking at me, I know that she will give me all the time I need to explain what bought me here. Her brown eyes pierce my blue ones. She needs answers but she won't push for them unlike when she interviews suspects.

" I found out who my Dad is today."

She looks shocked but I haven't finished yet, now this is the hard bit. I can feel my eyes already tearing up, how manly of me. She doesn't say anything so I continue.

" He is dying, He has end stage cancer."

I feel the tears begin there jagged journey down my face, I drop my head into my hands and a small sob escapes. I feel movement on the couch but I don't look up, I can't bear for her to see me like this. Suddenly I feel her in close proximity to me, her thigh is slightly touching mine. She clasps my head with both her hand and raises it to look at her.

"I'm so sorry Castle."

I can see that her eyes are welling up, great I have made her cry. Why did I burden her with this information, I know exactly why it's because I love her. I hope that she secretly loves me too.

" I have just found him and now I'm going to lose him again. It's just so unfair, he left just before I was born. It's taken him 39 years to finally get up the courage to talk to me and now he is dying."

"How did you meet him?"

A simple question but so meaningful at the same time.

"He just showed up at the loft tonight, he said he had looked me up on the internet and found out my address."

I chuckled slightly.

"If you think I am a state, you should see mother she looked like she had seen a ghost. Well I suppose he is really she hasn't seen him for 39 years either. He was the love of her life, her one and done."

This made Kate give me a slight smile, her hands now encased mine on my lap.

" He decided that he wanted to see me before he died, he wanted to see in his words; see how his boy had turned out."

" I'm not sure if I wanted to meet him or if would have been better that at this stage of his life he had never found me. How am I suppose to get to know the man who gave me half his genes in the hour that he spent talking to Mother, Alexis and myself. Oh God how is Alexis suppose to deal with the fact that the grandfather that she has only just met, has only weeks to live?"

I had just come to that realisation about my poor daughter she may be eighteen but she is still a kid, how was she going to deal with this. The tears now streamed more freely down my cheeks. I dropped my head to the side and found it resting on Kate's shoulder. She placed her arm behind me and rested her hand on my shoulder as I turned my head and sobbed into the space between her shoulder and her neck. Her right hand gripped mine tighter and she drew soothing circles on my shoulder with her left thumb.

" Don't worry Castle, we will figure this all out together. I am going to be there for you every step of the way. I won't let you, Alexis or your mother face this alone. I have dealt with the grief of losing a parent, even if you haven't know him that long it's still going to be hard on you. I am going to support you because I'll always be there for you. You'll never get rid of me I am a one writer girl anyway."

She placed a small kiss on the top of head and I felt some of my fears and grief fade away. I loved this woman she always knows what to do and say. I feel the day's events catch up with me and my eyes start to feel heavy. I fight to keep them open when she says…

"Rick try and get some sleep I'll be here when you wake up."

She rests her head lightly on mine and I feel her place a blanket over both of us. I start to drift off to slept.

" I love you Kate Beckett. Thank you."

The end of the sentence trails off as I feel sleep pull me under into it's warm embrace….

**A/N I am planning to write another chapter in the point of view of Beckett. How will she respond to that last sentence and what did she think when Castle turned up on her door step in that state.**

**This story is kind off personal to me. My Uncle is currently battling Cancer he is awaiting results to see if it has spread from his bladder. I hope to God that it hasn't, I hope that it is good news next week and that he goes into remission. Cancer devastates families but it also brings them closer together.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I would like to thank you all for the kind comments that you left. I was surprised by the number of people reading and story alerting this. It warms my heart to think that people like it. I am sorry it has taken me a long time to get this chapter up but I have been on nights. So on with the story…**

**Hardship & Tears 2**

The last three days have been long but finally we caught the guy this afternoon. I'm feeling so drained, like the life has been sucked out of me. I finally make it back into the comfort of my apartment. I have never been so glad to see it. I place my bag on the table and head into my bedroom. I take my gun out of it's holster, make sure the safety is on and place it in the box on top of my chest of drawers. I also place my mother's ring and father's watch in the box. I kiss my hand and press it to the picture of my mother and father that adorns the top of the box. I glance at the clock on my bedside table and realise that it is already nine o'clock, I wonder where the day has gone. I head into the bathroom and draw myself a nice hot bubble bath, just what I need after this case. I quickly go to the kitchen while the bath fills and pour myself a nice glass of red wine. On the way back to the bathroom I pick up my well worn copy of heat rises from the bookshelf. Even though I have already read this book cover to cover so many times something keeps drawing me back to it. Maybe it is the characters of Nikki and Rook or maybe it is the writer himself my partner Castle. I place the book and glass of wine down on the side of the bath and slowly take off my clothes. I dip my toes in the water to check the temperature before immersing myself completely in to the inviting water.

I must have been laying here for at least fifteen minutes already, the book laying is on the side of the bath long forgotten. I can't focus on reading at the moment my mind is going a mile a minute. I feel myself going over the events of the last few days, but it is not the suspect that I am thinking about. It's that damn man he has been invading my daily thoughts, ever since I got shot 5 months ago. However hard I try all my mind can seem to focus on is Castle. I heard him that day, I heard him tell me to stay with him and that he loved me. It is that last bit that makes me take a breath and causes my eyes to spring a leak. I haven't had the courage to tell him that I remember, I suppose I don't want to ruin what we have. I love him I just can't tell him until that wall comes down but he is having a good go at making a hole through it. Today I was writing on the murder board, and I felt his eyes on me. I turned to sneak a look and found him staring at my bum. I didn't call him out on it, I just pretended that I hadn't noticed. Then when we were arresting the suspect it went a bit wayward, by that I mean that the suspect managed to give me a small cut on my arm with the knife he was brandishing. I swiftly then took him down, once he was handcuffed I felt someone grab my hand and pull me away. I soon realised it was Castle he had noticed the blood running down my arm and had probably heard the gasp as the blade connected with my skin. He kept asking me over and over again if I was okay. I told him that it was only a scratch and I would get over it. I did however thank him for being so caring. He answered with always. That was our saying, it was our way of showing that we care, with out baring our souls. After returning to the prescient and having my arm bandaged I was going to ask Castle if he wanted to go to Remy's. However he got a phone call from I can only presume Alexis. He sounded upset while talking to her and turned as white as a sheet. He finished his call and just told me that Alexis needed him home immediately. I told him to go be with his daughter, even though I was unsure why he had become so upset.

I lay in the bath for thirty minutes immersed in my own thoughts before I realised the water had begun to turn cold. I swiftly get out wrap my hair in a towel and dry myself off. I choose to put on a black vest top and a pair of navy blue gym shorts, I'm not expecting company and I am planning to head to bed. When I eventually slip into bed after checking all the window in the apartment are locked, it has just gone 10.30pm. I place a headphone in one ear, the soft sounds of the Frames will hopefully help me to drift off to sleep. 20 minutes later I am still wide awake, I can't seem to turn my brain off. Thought's of Castle and that fateful day still plague my mind. The way I dismissed him in my hospital room after he had bought me those lovely flowers. I just wish I had been stronger, but I was scared, I still am scared. Scared of how a declaration of love would effect our friendship. Scared that I would run at the first sign of a problem. Scared that I would like it. Scared that if I don't do anything, he will stop waiting for me.

I wake up to a sound of knocking at my door, I glance at the clock. It's midnight who could possibly be at my door at this hour. I swing my legs out of the bed, and grab my gun from the box. As I get closer to the front door the knocking seizes, silence reins once again. I draw my gun up to a shooting position and take off the safety. I swing the door open and I am shocked by what I find on the other side.

"Castle I could of shot you."

I lower my gun and click the safety on and take in the sight before me. My partner, the same man who plagues my thoughts is standing at my door soaking wet. His Suit jacket and shirt stick to him like a second skin. His trousers haven't faired much better and his hair is plastered to his head. He has red rimmed eyes and he is unconsciously shivering on the spot. His eyes travel up and down my figure, I suddenly remember how little I am wearing. I feel my cheeks turn a shade of red and I wait for the typical Castle comment, but it's doesn't come. His eyes lock with mine and I feel the need to ask him to explain himself.

"Castle your soaked what have you been doing, are you okay?"

He just carries on looking at me before he drops his gaze and head. I now connect the dots, the red rimmed eyes, the lack of typical comments or answers. He has been crying, I don't know why or for how long but it breaks my heart a little. Unsure of what I can do to help, I reach out a hand and take him by the arm. I pull him towards me and lead him into my apartment, surprisingly he doesn't try to resist. I Take him into the living room, he is still to say a single word. I search his face for even a hint of a clue as to why he is here and why he has been crying. I go to say something but I can't seem to form any words either so I close my mouth again. He is still shivering so I come up with a idea, I let go of his arm and head back towards my bedroom. I presume and hope that he won't leave while I am gone for five minutes. As I head into my closet I am glad that my dad left a bag of his old clothes at mine, that he no longer needs so I can give them to charity. I pull out a black t-shirt that I hope will fit Castle and a pair of sweats. I grab a towel out of the linen closet on the way back to the living room. As predicted Castle hasn't moved, it's like he is rooted to the spot by a mystical power. Not that believe in all that mumbo jumbo. He looks at me with those pained eyes and I nearly break but I have to remain the strong one. So I hand him the clothes and the towel, he accepts them from me. I raise my hand and gently cup his cheek, I run brush my thumb against his cold skin, hoping to bring him some warmth.

"I think you should get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. I'm sorry the only clothes that will fit you are some of my dad's old clothes that he was going to give to charity. They should fit okay and at least they are dry."

I feel like I have to explain where the clothes came from. Even thought I broke up with Josh months ago, I don't want Castle to think they are one's left by him but I don't know why. He gives me a small nod in understanding, I can feel his skin warming under my palm. I lock eyes with him and speak again.

"Now go get changed in the bathroom. I'll make you a famous Beckett hot chocolate while you do that and then when you come back out we will talk about what ever you want to okay Castle?"

"Okay."

I'm a little shocked when he answers me with okay. It is the first time he has spoken since appearing on my doorstep tonight. I remove my hand from his cheek and point towards the bathroom. He seems to understand what I am asking of him and he heads to get changed. I head towards the kitchen to make the hot chocolate that I had promised. My mum taught me how to make hot coco when I was a small girl, we would make it on cold winter evening or when I was upset. The memory makes me smile and upset at the same time, how I wish she was still here. I would of liked her to see what I have done with my life, I would like her to have met Castle. I think she would of liked him, she would of told me not to be so scared about making a move. She would of made me hot chocolate and given me a hug. A single tear escapes my eye, I quickly brush it away. Tonight is about Castle and what ever he is facing right now not about me. I know that I can't push Castle for answers like I do the suspects, I have to wait for him to tell what is wrong. I take the two mugs of hot chocolate in the living room. I place Castle's on the coffee table before sitting down with my legs curled under me at one end of the couch. Five minutes later I hear the bathroom door click and I turn to see Castle walking towards me. I give him a slight smile and wait from him to sit down. He automatically picks up the mug of the table and cradles it in his hands. He settles at the other end of the couch facing towards me. His eyes once again lock with mine and I feel a shiver run down my body.

A small amount of time passes as I wait from him to start talking. I take in his appearance now that he is wearing dry clothes. The top I have given him is obviously on the small side as I can see the contours of his normally hidden away chest. I never knew that he was hiding that under his shirt and I can't help talking it in. I think about how it would feel to run my hands down it. I do however quickly scold myself ,this is not the time nor the place to be having these kind of thoughts. Gladly Castle starts to talk and my brain refocuses on his face and what he is saying rather than his chest.

" I found out who my Dad is today."

I can't help the shocked look that now adorns my face. I know that Castle has never know his father, my heart breaks a little more for him.

" He is dying, He has end stage cancer."

This breaks all I have left, I feel the need to be close to him to show that I am there for him. He starts to cry and drops his head into his hands. I get up from my position, place my now empty mug on the table and sit back down next to him. Our thighs are lightly touching and a jolt of electricity runs through my body. I take his head with both my hands and raise it so he is looking at me again.

"I'm so sorry Castle."

I feel myself tearing up and I fight to keep them back. The sad look on his face and the pain in his eyes is making it a very hard job. God I love this man why can't I just tell him.

" I have just found him and now I'm going to lose him again. It's just so unfair, he left just before I was born. It's taken him 39 years to finally get up the courage to talk to me and now he is dying."

I ask him the only thing I can think of right now.

"How did you meet him?"

"He just showed up at the loft tonight, he said he had looked me up on the internet and found out my address."

He gives a small chuckle after saying this, I'm not sure if I should be relieved or worried about this.

"If you think I am a state, you should see mother she looked like she had seen a ghost. Well I suppose he is really she has not seen him for 39 years either. He was the love of her life, her one and done."

Oh Goodness he used the phrase that I told him awhile back my heart skips a beat and his poor mother losing the one she loved. I think I would break if Castle left again. I give him a small smile, and take his hands in mine. I'm unsure of what else I can do for him right now.

" He decided that he wanted to see me before he died, he wanted to see in his words; see how his boy had turned out."

" I'm not sure if I wanted to meet him or if would have been better that at this stage of his life he had never found me. How am I suppose to get to know the man who gave me half his genes in the hour that he spent talking to Mother, Alexis and myself. Oh God how is Alexis suppose to deal with the fact that the grandfather that she has only just met, has only weeks to live?"

Now he is truly crying, the tears are streaming down his face. I wonder how Alexis and Martha are coping, I wonder if they are in the same state. I presume that they are, this is a big bombshell to have dropped on a family after 39 years of no contact. He drops his head to the side and it comes to rest on my shoulder. I place my arm around his shoulders, he turns his head and sobs into the space between my shoulder and my neck. I draw soothing circles on his shoulder with my left thumb while I tighten my right hand's grip on his. I begin to speak he needs to know that I am always there for him, he needs to know subtlety that I love him.

" Don't worry Castle, we will figure this all out together. I am going to be there for you every step of the way. I won't let you, Alexis or your mother face this alone. I have dealt with the grief of losing a parent, even if you haven't know him that long it's still going to be hard on you. I am going to support you because I'll always be there for you. You'll never get rid of me I am a one writer girl anyway."

I hope that he gets the last reference, there is nothing I wouldn't do for this man and his family. I leaned down a place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. We sit like that for a couple of minutes before I notice that he is fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Rick try and get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

I grab the blanket of the back of the couch and lay it over both of us. I rest my head lightly on his as I hear his breathing start to even out. Just when I think he is a sleep he begins to mumble something. I have to strain to hear him properly.

" I love you Kate Beckett. Thank you."

The end of his sentence trails off but I hear it loud and clear. I take a deep breath he has said those three little words again. Yes I love him too but I don't know if I can deal with this right now. I feel the hole he has made in my wall start to become bricked up and I want to run. However I know that this is a difficult time for him and I have to be the strong one in the partnership. I will deal with this second declaration and how I feel later but for now I will be there for him. I kind of want to find his dad and shout at him or hurt him for hurting Castle like this. Although I know that it won't do any good, it just makes me angry that he thinks he can just turn up like this. I sit there for a while just listening to Rick's breathing. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I try to get it out without waking Rick. Pulling up my messages I see that I have a new one from Alexis that reads…..

"Please look after my dad Kate, he needs someone to be there for him right now and I no that he trusts and loves you. Love Alexis x."

The text makes me smile and I text her back.

"Hi I promise to look after your dad to the best of my ability, I trust him too. I hope that you and Martha are okay. Please ring me if you need anything and I mean anything Kate x.

I quickly get a text back that just says I promise. I place a small kiss on Rick's head. He has a amazing daughter, one that I would be proud to call my own. I feel myself nodding off I glance at the clock and see that it reads one o'clock. I don't resist as sleep takes me into it's hold as well.

**A/N: Thank you for reading this story. My uncle has had some good news, even though the cancer has spread to his lymph nodes it is less aggressive. They are happy that the treatment he starts this week for 6 weeks will be beat the cancer. He will just have to have regular scans. As for the story I am unsure whether to write the next chapter as the morning after or if to write a chapter in the dad's point of view. What do you think? xx**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Thanks for the reviews, the alerts and the favourites I love you all. Sorry about the wait L. Hope you like this chapter.

Hardship and Tears 3

The sunlight is streaming through the gap in the curtains. It creates a beam of soft light across the living room floor which ends at the couch. On the couch lays two people who have remained in the same position for most of the night. A writer and his muse are bathed in soft sunlight, both still dead to the world. He lays on his back and across his chest lays his muse. Her head rests in the crevice between his shoulder and neck, her hair fanned out like a halo. Her right arm is draped across his chest, her fingers entwined with his. Her back lays flat against the back of the couch, she lays in the gap between his body and the cushions. Her right leg rests between his, the blanket lays half on them half on the floor. To anybody else they look like a normal couple just sharing a embrace, but to those who know them they would say this is the beginning of a wonderful thing. They would say this has been a long time coming, three years of pent up sexual tension, three years of holding each others gaze, three years of morning kisses (coffee), three years of finishing each other sentences, and three years of the word always being passed to and fro. They would say they have know from the beginning that this would happen. They would say that they are happy that she has found someone who appreciates all the aspects of her, even the broken ones. They are happy that he has found the one who he will spend the rest of his life with. They are happy that she has her one and done. They will say all of this without even knowing about the embrace or the words spoken the next before. They will say this even though it may of not yet fully happened.

He starts to stir, his brow furrows and relaxes again. His fingers twitch but keep their grasp on hers. His head goes to the side and burrows in her hair. He takes a big inhale and then releases a deep exhale. His eyelids flicker but for now remain closed. The clock ticks, the number reads 7.30 am, for her this is late but for him this is early. His other hand grasps at the blanket for a second then releases it. She shifts slightly against him but she is still deep in slumber. His eyelids flicker again at this movement, this time they begin to open. As they open the remnants of sleep can be easily observed. He slowly lifts his head up and looks down his frame. A smile adorns his face when he notices the person laying across him. His grasps on her hand tightens slowly, he doesn't dare wake her yet. At this point he is happy enough to watch her sleep, he lowers his head again. His face resting back in her hair. He breathes in, the aroma of cherries is present, he loves that smell it's so her. He would be happy to just lay here forever with her wrapped up safe in his arms. He knows that it wont be long before she starts to stir, he is unsure of how the mornings events will pan out. He hopes that they will have that talk, the talk that has alluded them for three years. The talk of their relationship, their love for each other. He doesn't know if was in a dream sequence or reality that he heard her whisper those three magical words. The three little words that will change his life forever, hell for the better. He is afraid that if he approaches the subject first that she will run, that the hole in the wall of her soul that he has made will be filled. He glances at the clock it reads 7:45 am, it is far too early and as they have not had a call about a murder, he deems it safe to go back to sleep. He shifts slightly, rearranges the blanket to cover them and lets the sandman take him back under.

She woke up with a shiver, however she was unsure if it stemmed from the cold or from the reality of realising who she was laying on. The blanket now lays completely on the floor. They have not actually moved that much from the position they were in before. Their hands still lay on his chest entwined. Her leg still lays in between his, his face is still buried in her hair. Her eyes are roaming the scene before her, her mind is trying to process what is happening, her heart is fluttering at the feeling of been this close. In her head she was not ready for this, but on this particular morning her heart ruled. Her heart that was warmed by the feeling of been snuggled up to him. Her heart that wanted this to be how she woke every morning albeit in a bed not on an uncomfortable couch. Her heart that believed him to be her one and done, her everything. Every day that passed meant that her head was slowly losing the battle with her heart. Her head was the rational side of her, it thinks of the things that may go wrong. It thinks about that the fact that she may end up hurting him or vice versa. She doesn't move from her position if anything she snuggles closer when she notices he is still asleep. Her mind goes back over the previous night's events. She remembers how upset he was when she found him at her door, how heartbroken he appeared. She tries to over analyse the fact that in his hour of need he seek'd her out. Rather than spend the time with his family he came to see her. She didn't know if to feel guilty that he had left his family to see her or if to be happy that he had trusted her with this. Her heart tells her to go with the second option. She remembers those three little words being spoken again for the second time. Her head is freaked by this, her heart is content.

She lays there for feels like forever, debating whether to move before he wakes or if to stay and see what transpires. A couple of seconds later the decision is made for her, a soft but husky voice speaks out.

"Morning Kate."

She automatically tenses at the use of her first name, he has been doing that more often than not lately. She can't decide if she likes it or hates it. The huskiness of his voice also takes her by surprise, it sounds so sexy. She feels his thumb slowly slide over her fingers, caressing each one as it goes. She wants to draw her hand back, but her attempts to move are futile. It's like there is a force holding it there and to be honest with herself she likes the feeling of his soft touch. She raises her head just enough that their eyes meet. She becomes absorbed in his deep blues, they show her all of him. It's her turn to speak and the sleep affect has got to her voice as well.

"Morning Castle."

The tone and texture of her voice sends a shiver down his spine. He would love to wake up to that greeting for the rest of his life. He notices that even though he felt her try to get up before, she has not actually moved from his grasp. They have been awake for a least ten minutes and she is still there. He wants to sequel even though he knows that it is not very manly. Sadly she then untangles from him, she pushes her self up to a sitting position using her hands on his chest as leverage not that he minds. From there she stands, he looks at her with a confused face, is she about to run. She simply says…

" Castle I'm not going but mother nature calls."

This makes him chuckle and he responds as she walks towards the back of the apartment.

"I'll make us some pancakes while your gone."

He stands at the entrance to her kitchen, he has only ventured in her a few times but he knows where everything is kept. That is the thing about being a writer it makes you a stickle for detail. He heads to the cupboard nearest the sink and pulls out the frying pan. He turns to get the ingredients out of the fridge when his eyes land on a picture stuck to the door. It's a picture of Kate with her arm around her father's shoulders. They look so happy in the picture, and that makes his chest feel tight and restricting. He has to take a couple of deep breaths even these burn deep in his chest. He wishes that he could have had this kind of relationship with his father, which in turn reminds him of what lead him to Kate's apartment in the first place. Tears start to prick at the corner of his eyes, he leans and places his forehead on the cool surface of the door. He doesn't want to cry not again, he cried enough yesterday. He takes slow breaths and fights back the tears. Once he has composed him self again, he reopens the fridge and takes out the milk, eggs and butter and sets to work.

As he starts to flip the pancakes over he hears the bedroom door click open and the sound of soft footsteps quickly follows. He hears her walk into the kitchen behind him, he quickly swipes the unshed tears from his eyes with his sleeve and turns to face her. He is taken with the site before him, she has taken a quick shower while he was in here. Today she is on call so therefore she is casual dressed in a white t-shirt which has frayed seams and a beautifully intricate design on the front. It fits her like a glove, the shirt is low cut so he can see the top of the swell of her breasts. Her legs are encased in a pair of tight fitting dark blue skinny jeans, that fit her perfectly. Her hair is down, the curls sitting on her shoulders, her feet are bare. He doesn't realise that he is staring until he smells burning and Kate coughs. He quickly averts his gaze and diverts his attention back to the slightly burnt pancakes. He hopes she likes them a little crispy.

They eat breakfast in a comfortable silence, neither wants to be the one to approach the subject that hangs over them like a dark cloud. Instead they are happy to just sit there, although they do catch each others eye line every couple of minutes. When this happens he smiles and she blushes. She flashes back to the case when her apartment blew up, he made her pancakes then as well it was just a shame she didn't get to eat them. She takes the time to study him, his hair is your typical bed head and it looks adorable. The shirt he borrowed is crumpled and still as tight as it was last night, she can make out the outline of his chest. She looks up at his face and notices he has got slight stubble present. How she would love to run her fingers up and down his cheek and let his stubble brush on her hand. His eyes show remnants of sleep and tears. She can tell that he has been trying not to cry, it must of happened while she was talking a shower. Her heart breaks a little to think that she was not there to comfort him again. She could ask him about it but she doesn't want to push him for answers. She wants to give him the space to discover everything on his own. Just like he did for her during that sniper case, she will still be there for him in the background like he was for her. If he needs her for support he will reach out and she will be there waiting with a warm embrace and a shoulder to cry on. She has finished her pancakes and it appears he has too. She catches his eye line again and he speaks.

"So Kate what are your plans for today?"

"Well as long as I don't get called in, I was thinking of taking a stroll around the park. It seems to be a nice day out there, seems a shame to waste it."

He gives her what can only be described as a beaming smile.

"You care for some company?"

" You not going to see Alexis this morning?"

His smile falls, and now she feels like she was too harsh with that line of questioning. However within a second it reappears on his face.

"No she text me this morning to tell me she was going to school. She said I quote that she needed a bit of normalcy in her life after last night. That and the fact that she hates missing school. I told her I will see her when she gets home tonight and we will have a chat about events and that I loved her. So I am free till then and I don't really want to be on my own if that makes any sense. I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts for that long, I don't want to think about it. So therefore would you like some company?"

This is what she means about not pushing him, giving him the space to talk about it without pressure. To be honest she doesn't want to be alone today, even though what is happening between them scares her she doesn't want to leave him alone.

" Okay Castle you can come with me I suppose."

She gives him a little wink before picking up her plate and heading over to the sink. She places it in the washing up bowl and goes to turn. However what she doesn't expect is the fact that Castle has also got up to put his plate in the sink. She turns and finds her self face to face with him, so close she can feel his breath on her cheek. She should back away but she finds her self frozen to the spot. She has no control over her limbs at this moment so all she can do is stand there. She loses her self in those beautiful blue orbs, she doesn't see his little smirk, she doesn't notice him leaning in and she definitely does not notice the hand he has placed on her back. He has her exactly where he wants her he knows that and he is powerless to stop himself. He leans in further and she still seems to be oblivious to the outside world. He knows that this will either get him slapped, shot or punched, but he has wanted to do this again for such a long time. He gently touches his lips to hers in the faintest kiss, she doesn't respond back good or bad so he feels a little bit braver. He leans in again and their lips meet with a bit more pressure. This time he does get a response and it's not one that he expects. He braces him self for a onslaught of pain instead he feels her right hand weave it's fingers into the whispers of hair at the nape of his neck. This time it's her who leans in, her other hand lands at his waist and pulls him too her. Her right hand tilts his head down slightly to make up for the small height distance without her heels on. Her lips crash into his and she bites gently on his bottom lip with her teeth. This causes him to tangle his hand in her hair and he deepens the kiss. He feels brave again and he brushes his tongue across her top lip and she moans into the kiss. This is all the encouragement he needs, one of his hands slips up the back of her top skin to skin. Her tongue comes to join the cause and they fight for dominance. Every ounce of pent up sexual tension and every ounce of love is poured into this kiss. She knows that this is breaking every rule she has ever made about Rick but he is now standing inside that wall she has in place to guard her from everyone. Finally after what seems like hours but in reality is just a few minutes they break the kiss for air. Her hand is still caressing his neck while his is still burning form the heat radiating from touching her bare back. Their foreheads are gently touching and they are looking each other in the eye.

"That was breathtaking."

" I know."

That is all she can reply with right now she is still trying to catch her breath.

"What happens now?"

He asks her, and right now she has now idea.

A/N please don't hurt me for ending on a cliff hanger :). How will it go from there? Please review I means a lot when you do.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N **I would like to thank my muse Erika ( Flutterbiesaroundme) for giving me the inspiration and willing to write this chapter. I hope you all like it :)**

They had spend the morning/afternoon strolling around central park. They observed the people milling around them, Castle made each one of them have a different story of why they were there. There was the elderly lady who was feeding the ducks at the lake, she had no family left and spent each and everyday coming to the lake according to him. The business man who was in a hurry, Castle decided that he came to the park for some peace and quiet. Until he was interrupted by a email on his phone that informed him that he was losing shares hence why he was now in a hurry. Kate and Rick had laughed at the roller skater who had tripped and fell to the floor but had got up just as quick. They had smiled at the sight of the kids playing tag across one of the green areas. They had stopped for a hot dog and drink halfway through. They had pointed out the places they had come for cases. The frame where the victim in bondage and caramel sauce had hung. The boat lake where they had found the boy back in the early days. The piece of green by the trees where they had found the steam punk man. For any other couple these would be chilling memories, something to be forgotten. Not for them, for them these memories helped them see how far they had come as partners, as friends. 

The light had begun to fade, the sun set at 5pm at this time of year. A chill had begun to fall on the city, it may have been sunny during the day but the January nights still had a bite to them. The decision was made between them to head back. Alexis would be returning from school soon and Castle wanted to be there to greet her. He needed to reassure himself that she was okay, yesterday had been a hard day on them all. As they walked back towards the park entrance Castle felt Beckett's fingers intertwine with his. They hadn't fully discussed what this was, they didn't want to label it. It was them , it was 4 years of saving each other's lives, 4 years of stolen glances and longing looks. He knew how hard the last few months had been on her especially. She had survived a bullet to the chest, she had fought it and she was still with him in person and in spirit. They had yet to discuss the moment where he told her that he loved her on that horrible day. He knew that conversation would eventually come up, and surprisingly he was happy to wait. He knew deep in his heart that she had heard, he just needed to wait for her to admit it to herself. 

Beckett offered to walk him back to his loft and he accepted with out a second thought. They weren't quite ready to part ways just yet. They had been on a emotional rollercoaster in the last 24 hours and at the moment they were at the peak of a high point. Neither wanted to come down from this spot and why should they. They dealt with death everyday why can't they enjoy this high. The walk back to Castle's loft took 15 minutes and they held each other's hand all the way. They stand outside the foyer doors unsure of what should happen next. Castle asks if she would like to come up and have dinner. She politely declines, he needs to spend this time with his daughter on his own she says. She does how ever tell him that if he needs to talk or he just needs her that he should call her. She says she will be here in a heartbeat. She is unsure how to say goodbye, they are basically standing in the street. There could be paparazzi waiting, watching them and she isn't really for what ever this is to go public. She untangles her fingers from his and lays her hand on his forearm. She looks him in the eye and begins to speak… 

He doesn't want to say goodbye like this. He places his other hand on top of the one of hers on his arm. He grabs it gently and pulls her inside and to the right, Out of the way of any prying eyes, she doesn't fight him which shocks him at first. He takes a quick glance around to make sure they have privacy before releasing her hand and snaking his arm round her waist. He pulls her that bit closer and she comes willingly, her hands now resting on the lapels of his jacket. He looks her in the eyes accompanied by a small smile before tilting his head down. She smirks to herself before coming up the short distance to meet him. The meeting of their lips is a gentle affair, the passion still burns there but it has been slowed. His free hand tangles into her soft wavy hair, her left hand caress his stubbly chin. Not long after it had begun it is over. They pull back and each take a ragged breath. She simply says call me later Castle, before giving him a soft peck on the cheek. She untangles herself from him and walks back out the front entrance to hail a cab back to her place. Her fingers now ghost over the place on her lips that he has just left. She gives a quick glance back and finds Castle doing the same action as she is. A cab pulls up ,she opens the door, slips inside and gives the driver her address.

He just stands there for a second as he watches her leave in the cab, he is alone now but not for long. He makes his way to the elevator pushes the button and waits for one to arrive. He feels so much better going back to his loft than he did leaving it last night. He is still unsure of what he should do about the whole father thing. Has his dad just come back to upset him and his family or does his dad really want to get to know his son before he dies. That is something Castle has to figure out mainly for Alexis sake. She may be a mature 17 year old way above her years but he knows that if his father doesn't really mean it about getting to know them that it will break her. He can take a lot but the one thing he will never have is to have his daughter hurting. The elevator dings and he takes it up to his floor. Once inside the loft it is clear that he has beat Alexis home. It appears his mother is also out. He suspects she has gone to her acting school, her own way of dealing with emotional things.

He decides to take a quick shower and change before Alexis returns. As he stands under the hot stream of water he thinks about how the day has gone so far. He woke up with Kate in his arms and then he got to kiss her not once but twice. If he puts aside all the problems with his father sudden appearance today has been a very good day. He hears the front door click open as he dries himself off . Alexis voice can be heard echoing through the loft.

"Dad are you here"

" I won't be a second pumpkin."

He chucks on a pair of boxers a pair of faded dark blue jeans and his favourite green lantern top before heading out into the sitting room area. He has barely made it to the sofa when he feels a pair of arms wrap tightly around his waist. He leans down slightly a places a kiss on top of her hair, he wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her closer. She will always be his baby there was no doubt about that. She pulls back slightly her beautiful red hair framing her face and looks up at him.

" How are you dad?"

This makes him chuckle he is suppose to be the adult here, he is supposed to ask her that not the other way round.

" I'm getting there pumpkin, I'm sorry for running out on you yesterday. I just …"

Her head is now leaning on his chest, her words slightly mumbled by his shirt.

"I know Dad you just had to get away, spend sometime taking it all in."

This makes him smile, she understands him too well.

"Enough about me sweetie, how are you coping?"

"I'm not sure what to think, it has been just you me and gram's for such a long time. Why did he decide that his last few weeks would be a good time to find you. I have a grandpa but he's dying."

He looks down at her takes her chin gently in his hand and tilts it up so he can look her in the eyes. She has tears forming in the corners, and it breaks his heart.

"I don't understand why he decided to come out of the woodwork now either sweetie. Maybe he has realised the mistakes he has made in his life and wants to put them right before he dies. Maybe he is just a selfish man, I really don't know. However what I do know is that if you want to get to know him before he dies that is fine with me. If you don't want anything to do with him that is also okay with me. It's up to you only you know what is the best course of action for you."

She nods against his hand in understanding, the tears have been released from their place of capture and now slowly wind a path down her cheeks. He swipes at them with his thumb.

"What about you Dad, what are you going to do about your Father?"

For a minute he is stumped, he is unsure on what his decision should be. She is looking at him with those watery eyes awaiting his answer. He takes a deep breath and begins to speak.

" I don't know Alexis, On one hand I want to get to know the man, to find out my heritage, my past but on the other I think to myself that I have gone this long with out him in my life, do I really need him now."

The tears are streaming from his eyes too, he takes them towards the couch. He slowly sits them down and Alexis curls into her father's side. They sit there for awhile in a unspoken silence, both of them thinking through things in their head.

Alexis is the first to break the silence, he left you his number if you want to talk to him she says. He just nods not giving a definite answer if will he require the number or not. He brushes away his tears with the back of his sleeve. He glances at his watch and discovers that it is now 6.30 pm time for dinner. He decides that tonight they will have takeaway pizza.

"I'm going to order some pizza, you want the normal?"

"Yes sounds good to me. I meant to ask earlier how is Detective Beckett?"

A big grin forms on his face unknowingly at the thought of his day spend with Kate. She picks up on this but withholds the questioning for the moment, maybe he will reveal anyway. He stands up and picks up the phone from the holder on the side table. He dials the number for the pizza delivery and waits.

"She is very good thank you, we spent the morning/afternoon walking around Central park it was nice."

"And?"

He orders a thin crust pizza with pepperoni, olives and extra cheese before hanging up the phone.

"What do you mean by and?"

"Every time you think about her tonight you get a big massive smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye. What else happened?"

He goes bright red, he had know idea he was doing that let alone, realising Alexis could pick up on it. He doesn't know what they are but it won't hurt to tell Alexis. He speaks again but his words come out mumbled, she has a hard time hearing him but by golly does she.

" We may have kissed a couple of times."

"Oh my goodness Dad this is huge. I am so happy for you both."

She runs at him full pelt and knocks him on to the heels of his feet for a second with a air crushing hug. He regains his balance quickly and hugs her back with the same amount of force.

"Can she come over tonight for pizza, if she leaves now she would get here in the time it takes to make it, cook it and deliver it? "

"Alexis calm down take a breath and I will ring and ask her."

A short phone call later and Kate is on her way over and she didn't take that much persuading at all.

**A/N Please review, fav and all that jazz because i love it when you do :D**


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